How to overcome antipathy between team members?

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If I have the right meaning of the word ‘antipathy’ it means an aversion to someone or something, a strong dislike or opposition to others. So, using the toolkit we have reviewed I would immediately consider the three-legged stool! As antipathy is a ‘Performance State’ and a negative one at that. So, it is a ‘Will’ issue not ‘Competence’ and there relates to the three legs of the stool. I would suggest such a strong reaction is often driven by a strong difference in personality and character. This will involve some strong influencing filters and you may want to ask the quality question ‘What are the filters influencing the negativity in the relationship?’ you don’t mention how long this has gone on but if it has been a while then the individuals concerned would have already formed strong RAS’s see the mind-set leg and the Performance Cycle Tool to refresh your knowledge from the Companion. It may be the case all concerned parties have formed strong negative inputs on each other and the RAS is reinforcing them even more! So have the two individuals got very different ‘Ideal performance states?’ i.e. different standards, beliefs, values or is this just a personality clash? If personality very difficult to change. Options are working with them as individuals and do not put them in situations they have to work together. If you can demonstrate to one or all the individuals using the performance cycle with the inputs you have noticed i.e. Ideal state, limiting beliefs and negative expectations of each other and provide observed examples of how their mindset is influencing their daily behaviour, approach, activity and interpretation. Then you can ask one or all the parties to assess the negative impact on the workplace, team/group, and their own performance and how if they change their current views and work to see positive sides of each other then what would be the benefits to the team/group, performance, workplace morale and motivation. Be aware this may not change everything but it may lead to them at least being able to work and you have managed the negative interference caused by their views of each other. 

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How can we manage our time better?

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Remember you can only control the controllables not the uncontrollable. You can though try to influence how you work best using ‘Boston Boxes’ to help prioritise or organise your work more efficiently and delegate more to people ready for delegation. You can also then use a visual (whiteboard or document) to help others visually understand the workload you have and how you are prioritising your work to enable you to deliver all responsibilities of your role. Another option is to take an opportunity at an appropriate moment to raise the other person’s awareness of the negative impact of their approach in limiting the time you have with your people. I often find it is more effective to select specific business goals, KPI’s or objectives the other individual has in their ‘Ideal Performance’ and demonstrate how you’re NOT being able to spend time observing, working and coaching your people will delay, hinder the delivery of the selected goal, objective or KPI. In other words, spending more time with your people will improve the performance. You can use the Performance Map and Zones to explain why you need to be closer to the team, or individuals for a period to ensure they progress through Zone 2-3 as a way or presenting factual reasons.

 

How can I get people out of their comfort zone?

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A comfort zone is a set of habits people prefer doing. I would suggest you first change your language and see it as not getting people OUT of comfort zones which is more likely to trigger the Guard states. To say and explore how they can ‘Expand’ their comfort zone sounds less threatening to start with. With regards to motivation you can use the Motivation Outcomes Exercise from your Companion and though in English just translate the questions element into theirs and your native language and ask these and use the answers to assess what are their top 3 motivators. When you have them then use these to help the individual set smart goals using the motivators as rewards or outcomes that they will benefit from when they have commenced or expanded their comfort zone. Also, you can use the two motivation filters (Away From or Towards) and ask the quality question ‘Do they want to move away from something to improve their comfort zone (performance state)? or Towards a new goal, outcome and focus your TGROW discussion on their preferred filter, avoiding or gaining?

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How can you change the behaviour of team members? E.g Shouting at others.

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This type of performance is driven by a ‘performance state’ so the three-legged stool should come to mind first. Then which leg is influencing most and again you will look at mindset again but perhaps the inputs here are more influenced by some deep-rooted filters such as a very low level of feeling and people filter? So, they do not process interaction through how they feel or view others so can come across abrupt, agitated and angry when others do not do what they expect. This of course may not be the only influencer. They could also just have a deep routed Guard Habit. The shouting could be a negatively stored habit based on past behaviour which they have never changed and they just let the Guard program run when they are in a negative position and therefore are behaving in an unconscious state. They will need to first be made aware of how their shouting behaviour occurs, the impact it has on others, the team and morale etc. allow time for them to process. Then consider ‘how’ they may need to change ‘how they react’ and to identify which GUARD triggers i.e. which SCARF element triggers the behaviour most? Then you can discuss strategies or things they can do to manage their SCARF trigger better and improve how they interact with others. Again, link this with their motivational outcomes to provide energy, will and desire to make the change. It will not be easy and you can use the Performance Map to plot their progress and provide support during the tougher Zone 2.

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How do you define CSF for a group when these are not measurable as a KPI?

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The best place to start is to realise a CSF doesn’t have to be a KPI. The CSF is there to provide direction and remind members of the team where their focus should be. The key thing is to get buy-in from the group/team that the CSF is relevant to the achievement of the ‘ideal Performance’ you and they desire. This can be different to business KPI’s as these relate to the business needs not to your own business function/group’s needs. CSF’s are personalised to the function, team or group. The business KPI is a measure used by the business in operational plans as the CSF can be less business focused and more behaviour focused i.e. the CSF is what must exist for the KPI’s to be delivered. The CSF is a behaviour or set of activities or actions that must happen in the workplace. Always ensure when communicating and agreeing the CSF’s you identify workplace examples of the CSF. So, you can illustrate what the CSF looks like so it has meaning to them, engages their cognitive and motivates them to work towards it. Make them visual and remind the group/team in regular meetings, calls or core information documents. Highlight how you are progressing towards them. Always celebrate small changes towards them and remember behaviour changes before results so highlight even if individuals notice they did not do it! As this is the first step of change ‘Awareness’ enables change.

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What can I do if I feel under-appreciated or feel appreciation is missing?

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The quality question to ask is ‘Why is someone not appreciating action, work, success or contributions etc.?’. In this case, again it is a ‘Performance State’ so the three-legged stool should come to mind. So which legs are influencing most? In this situation, I would suggest you start with the ‘Relationships’ leg and consider the Map of the World and filters influencing this. It could be that the individual has a very low score in the empathy filters and these are ‘Others’, ‘feeling’, ‘people’. They therefore could also have very high ‘Self’ or ‘Activity’ maybe higher Differences so looking more for continuous improvement and not celebrating success enough. How you can go about improving is as above. Raising awareness of how the lack of appreciation is impacting the person or situation. Again, the individual concerned who is not appreciating could be in computer brain mode and not thinking at all just doing and their map is focusing them on ‘keeping going’ and not appreciating what has been done. Sometimes a simple discussion around the negative impact can raise their awareness and improve the identification of when to do it. For individuals who have a strong habit in this negative behaviour they may need more support in changing their focus and being guided through the Performance Map and Zones to correct it.

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How can I convince team that the Ideal Performance can be reached and that they can influence it?

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Any Ideal Performance must be Aspirational, Inspiration and Memorable. It is not necessarily the size of the Target, Goal or Ideal Performance but more how you communicate it, make it appear possible and relevant to work towards it. In the communication you must personalise the Ideal performance to the people who are going to work towards delivering it. Focus on the actions, activities and more importantly the behaviours that everyone, individually and collectively will need to deliver for the Ideal to be achieved. You make it become believable by explaining what and how they will deliver the performance rather than just focusing on the figures, KPI’s, targets. These often have no meaning or realism in them and certainly don’t help people see, hear or feel how they can achieve them. Be authentic in your delivery and use practical examples from history of the site, function or team. Particularly focus on where they have achieved past goals or Ideal performances which they previously doubted. Ensure when you have presented the Ideal Performance you then focus on how the team and you can break down the total goal into a set of smaller more believable and manageable goals and targets, that if achieved will lead you step by step towards the bigger goal. It is at this point that involving the group or team members in cognitively contributing to how they and others may achieve the smaller goals/objectives is a good way of engaging them and building motivation and momentum towards the first few, smaller goals. The key then is for the leader to focus on acknowledging the effort and application of the improved activities and actions. To encourage the group/team to keep moving through Zone 2 of the Performance Map where they are learning to apply new or improved practices, make mistakes or revert occasionally to old habits. They will need the reinforcement and guidance to keep going so they see the results from their efforts. Keep reminding them of how they are doing, focusing on the behaviours changing before focusing on results. You may want to find a way of mapping, rewarding and celebrating all the small changes and successes achieved so motivation and momentum is maintained visually and the team members see, hear and feel things are moving forward and towards the ‘Ideal’ step by step. Focus on the controllable not the uncontrollable. 

 

How can I better influence my teams self-esteem and confidence levels?

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The key here is to know your team members ‘Map of the World’; what their top 3 motivational outcomes are from the exercise in your companion and what the individuals ‘Ideal Performance State is. Knowing this information provides you with the areas to look for during the working day to provide positive feedback. To raise awareness so the individual can realise and recognise what they are doing and the positive impact it is having on them, others and the desired goal/performance. This activity should also be supported by the leader asking good quality questions to help them realise that they actually made the difference and to get the individual to openly acknowledge that it was their own intervention or support or action that led to the performance being achieved or delivered. This means you must be looking and noting specific actions and interventions so you can provide the relevant ‘CARS’ feedback and ask the quality questions. You can also create reward schemes where co-workers acknowledge their colleague’s own contributions personally in meetings or on a whiteboard etc…getting the team/group to decide on how to do this and what sort of reward or acknowledgement should be made and how to deliver it.

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How can we influence others to do some tasks in a different way or using a different tool?

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To do something differently usually means the individual has to have answers to the question ‘Why’ do I need to do it differently first then ‘how do I do it?’. The leader needs to provide reasons that relate to the individual and their individual motivators, needs and wants. Using the motivational outcomes exercise and aligning the change or new way to how they will gain reward or avoid a penalty in the future, can help provide motivation and momentum towards the change. Belief can be increased by demonstrating where similar performances have been achieved providing local or meaningful examples and personalising them to the team. Again, the leader can provide this but I would suggest involving the group and team in finding examples and reasons why doing it differently will work better for them. This could also include sharing from the past or other sites why the different ways may work better and be more effective going forward. Always try to get the group, team working cognitively on the why and how to do it and plan and monitor it themselves. 

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How can we control discussion process?

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TGROW gives us a structure for the conversation. Each element provides some direction and control when used during the conversation. But also using the Active listening techniques such as, clarifying, reflecting feeling and summarising to take back control and get the individual focusing on areas of joint interest or points you need or want them to focus on more for their benefit.

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How can I develop trust with co-workers?

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To develop trust, you need to know what influences it and what impacts it negatively. The following equation contains the core elements you need to work on.

 

                 Credibility (words) + reliability (actions) + intimacy (emotions we feel safe, secure)

Trust =           ____________________________________________________________

 

                             Self-orientation (your motives must be right for others to trust you)  

 

Again, I attach a separate hand out to help provide some more detail for you and see where you can apply some new or improved actions or activities to build higher levels of trust.

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How can I resolve conflicts between co-workers, lack of trust or involvement that has existed for many years and impacted past work tasks or projects negatively?

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This is not easy if the problem has been going on for years. The Human Performance cycle can help explain what is going on here and both (more if relevant) parties will have definitely built a negative RAS (focus) on each other. This means they are looking for and seeking out the negative in each other and will have reinforcing negative mind talk that supports their belief about each other. To change both parties must acknowledge that they have, both contributed to the problem. Sometimes you can identify how the original break down of relationship occurred using their two Maps of the World to explain why. Often, I find that there is a specific difference in a set of filters and you can use the Maps of the World of each person to show how the break down in trust and relationship has occurred due to these filter clashes. Then in the right environment each person can then acknowledge how they have influenced the situation in the past. It is crucial both parties understand they both must change their RAS (focus) and see the positives in each other’s strengths and abilities for things to move on. I attach a further document that provides a specific technique you can use if one of the parties is willing to take the lead and try to build the relationship. Often, I though find if the relationship has been poor for a long period of time it is best to allocate different work to these people and minimise their interaction but you must explain you are doing this because of their inability to change their RAS on each other and as such both will now not work together on projects this could mean excluding them from meetings and briefing separately. Interestingly occasionally as side effect is this approach can lead to them realising they are missing out and they may choose to work more collaboratively going forward.